Finding My Norms

I'll be honest.  I haven't been my best self lately.  In fact, I can't recall the last time when I even rated half a tick above adequate.

Too often this school year, I've been small minded and a wee bit dark.  Apparently, this is what happens to me when I have to do something difficult, especially if it's a task spread out over a long stretch of time.  Like more than 10 minutes.

I have also been reminded of what I already knew--that I need play as much as I need work.  And that play, for me, is like fuel or air. It feeds and rejuvenates me, staving me against bumpier days.  I have been short on play this year and it shows.

Take yesterday, about a half hour before my journalism students arrived at my house, when I got an email that set me on edge.  Its subject, while vague, hinted at another month of drudgery at work, and I was not amused.  In fact, I pretty much went to a dark place before I even got to the end of the email.

Thank goodness my goofy, hungry, funny students showed up.  Had they not, it's entirely possible I would have rolled up into a tight ball and sucked my thumb in bed.  For 48 hours.  Instead, I found my way out of my funk and pretended to be Buddhist, enjoying the moment instead of feeding the monkey that was running around in my head.

Turns out that the email was part of a brilliant ruse.  I discovered this happy fact about 20 hours after I'd read it, when a dozen good folks starting pelting my friend and me with clunky paper planes and wadded up answer sheets.  It was their way of celebrating the end of a long job we'd completed.

After I realized what was going on, I felt both giddy and ashamed--giddy that this tough thing was behind me and ashamed that I'd so quickly gone to the dark side when faced with a mysterious email.

Certainly, I have grown new warts this year, marks that, at first glance, are more abrasion than beauty.  And yet, as I come out on the other end, I realize how beautiful they really are--complex, with sharp corners that catch and bend the sunlight, edges that are strong and resilient.

And, always, there are the good folks who surround me, people who are patient and kind, forgiving and funny, who know that a boxful of wadded up tests, tossed happily my way, can act like magic wands, waving away all the slough of a challenging year.

Thanks to these good folks, I pulled up to the "happy" pump today and played my way back to normal.