The Messy Middle

From managing the side effects of being 56 (chin hairs and waist line and stiffness--oh, my!) to trying to find the right tone for voicing my concerns, you could say that I’m living life in the messy middle right now.  I’m not complaining.  It’s the place I generally prefer to be, even though--as the name suggests--it can be a bit of a wreck.

When it comes to finding the right balance for my voice, that messy middle can also be a lonely place.  Especially these days, when the bellicose bookends tend to get all the attention.  

With so much discourse now framed against a “with us or against us” backdrop (as though we can only be one or the other), we are overdue for a societal shift back to that messy middle, despite its current unpopularity.  It is there, I believe, where we will find the best (the most human, most honest) versions of ourselves and each other.  

But it ain’t no picnic.

In her new book “Braving the Wilderness,” Brene’ Brown explores the importance of that messy middle (what she calls ‘the wilderness’), as well as our need to be connected to each other.  She acknowledges, though, that there can be great discomfort when we meet each other in that wilderness, especially when we vehemently disagree with each other.

My favorite chapter is “Speak Truth to Bullshit.  Be Civil.”  The first is a challenge that requires some courage.  But the second?  Speaking civilly to the bullshitter?  Well, now you’re just talking crazy.

Herein is the scary darkness of the wilderness.  But herein also is the path that will get us through it.

In the past year, I’ve felt anger more often than I’d felt it in all 55 years before it. So much indignity, so many offenses, such cavalier dismissal of truth . . . at times, I’ve been disheartened and exhausted. What’s gotten me through is my willingness to spend some time in the messy middle, looking for threads--however tenuous--that connect me to them.  And you know what?  I can always find a thread.  

Always.

And what do I do with these threads when I find them?  I weave them into a letter to a congressman, into a phone call to the governor's office,  I walk them up with me as I stand before a legislative committee to discuss something that concerns me.  Without these threads, without that common ground and some civility, I'm certain my words would fall on deaf ears.  And I am looking for ears and eyes wide open.

If we’re going to meet in the middle, then we're both going to have to move a bit.  No doubt, it’ll be messy at times, but I’m counting on those threads to make it a little less scary.