I love Walgreens. I love most everything about that store--the width of its aisles, the fine selection of candies, the array of shampoos and end-cap bargains. Compared to CVS--that Burger King to my McDonalds--Walgreens is a shining star.
. . . except for the seemingly endless checkout screens and its new slogan, "Be well."
Be well? Are you kidding me?
Every time I'm standing in line at Walgreens now, I find myself uttering a prayer for the clerk and the person ahead of me.
Please, God, be with the person ahead of me in line, that their basket may not contain Tucks Medicated Pads or a prescription for a festering wound that just won't heal. And give the clerk the courage to skip "Be Well" if such things are sitting in the basket.
Really, for a place that sells prescription drugs and Cheez Whiz, "Be Well" seems like the dumbest slogan ever. Except maybe AT&T's "Reach out and touch someone," which seems hard to do over telephone wires, not to mention a little creepy.
And what Walgreen's customer doesn't cringe when grabbing their receipt, just waiting for the teenaged clerk to murmur "yeah, uh, be...well...uh"? It's just awkward, even if the sentiment actually fits. Better for Walgreens to have stocked their clerks' minds with adjustable slogans, if you ask me.
Buying cold medicine? Get well.
Buying cigarettes? You'll never be well.
Buying condoms? She can do better.
Despite the great heaps of money that went into developing them, most companies' slogans roll off the tongue and out of the head like water on an oil slick. True, a few have great sticking power. But Walgreens has reminded me that a stupid slogan that employees are required to utter, regardless of what I'm buying, is, well, not only often inappropriate (Really? I'm buying AZT and you're telling me to be well?!) but also annoyingly memorable.
And that is the worst slogan of all.
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