Idling Times

I'm two thirds of the way through my Spring Break and I have been idling my engines much of the time.  Seems appropriate, then, to ponder the pluses (and minuses) of idling on this, the Ides of March.

Heading into this Spring Break, I was in a "clinging to the prospect of down time with the nubs of my fingernails" frame of mind.  Desperate for time away from school, my focus was strictly on getting to the break, not on what I'd do once I got there.  As a result, I have floated rather aimlessly through it, and not always in a state of satisfaction.

That last admission is a sore point for me.  I have always considered myself good with down time, so why the long face in the midst of so much of it this past week?  Maybe because, like someone sitting in an idling car at a long light, I felt as if I was eventually going to get somewhere.  But I didn't.

 I tumbled into this break with no goals whatsoever--with no plan, no new book to lose myself in, and no energy to hit the road to discover something new.  Instead, I spent my days and nights in half-hearted commitment, broken up with small naps, too much snacking and the occasional bright spot (hot tubbing with family and friends, a meal with extended family, completing the Sunday NY Times crossword in pen, without cheating).

That's the danger of idling--feeling stuck between the "just did" and "heading to," while overlooking the "right now" in the process.

This morning, Finn and I took an extra long walk, stopping frequently to spot a meandering line of geese who most certainly have a plan.  I actually had a goal before I set out on the walk--to walk long enough to shake the blahs.  No surprise that nature provided the remedy, blanketed in bird song and beautiful clouds, and somewhere in Woods Park, among the melting pools of snow and the bare spots of wet earth, I shed my monkey mind and just...was.

I am always at my best, my most content, when the "right now" is enough, when I am full of this very moment with no concern for the next.  That contentedness has nothing to do with idling or twiddling one's thumbs.  It comes with showing up and paying attention.

The good news is that I've still got nearly three days of vacation.  You can bet I won't waste them in "idle."