My Name is Mud

My name's mud.

But don't take my word for it (and, really, why would you, after what I've just revealed?). No, just ask the nice folks at Netflix.

After the month I've had with them, they're now filing me under "Digital Morons," right there next to George W. Bush, who still can't get over how those scanners work at the grocery-store checkout line.

Yeah, you could say I've had a bad month with my Netflix membership. And, while some may argue that breaking one DVD and misplacing two others isn't, like, cancer or anything, well, you just might think differently after learning just what DVDs I ruined. Or lost. Or, like, whatever it is that I did to them.

Because I'm a Holt (and because I have a husband whose favorite shirt says "Out of the Loop and Loving It!"), we've just discovered "The Sopranos." Yeah, THAT "Sopranos," the hit TV series that wrapped up nine seasons of success . . . in 2007.

Thanks to the most excellent Lincoln City Libraries (the same that recently was featured in the Journal-Star), we began nursing ourselves on the first season, disc by demented disc, in three-week increments, as the circulation desk would allow. Not surprisingly, though, just as we found ourselves hooked on Tony, we also discovered the seedier side to loving a mafia series.

Turns out an awful lot of the libraries' "Sopranos" discs have gone missing. What? You lookin' at ME?!

So we turned to Netflix to feed our need to keep up with the Sopranos. Things went well through the second half of Season One--I even learned some of the characters' names and memorized the opening song--but then, they went wildly downhill after that.

Season Two's first disc arrived without fanfare. Or a horse's head. Getting it to play in our DVD player proved to be another thing, though. Especially when I jammed it in there, just above our copy of The Simpsons, Season 196. Seems DVDs, unlike rabbits, don't appreciate being stacked one upon the other.

By the time I wrenched the Sopranos from the mighty grip of the machine, a small, uh, crack seemed to have magically appeared in the DVD. Of course, I tried to snap it back together, but to no avail. (SPOILER ALERT!) Seems I'd knocked off Tony before the opening credits of the second season could even roll.

Netflix was surprisingly okay with my admission, sending me another copy of the Season Two disc before I could say "FUGGEDABOUTIT!"

We watched all three episodes, Tony magically brought back to life, and then...well, frankly, I don't know what happened next. But our next Netflix DVD just never seemed to arrive.

A few weeks later, I finally checked my Netflix account, only to see that they thought we still had the replacement disc. Which we didn't. Heh, heh, heh.

I managed to swallow my pride and register for a concealed-weapons permit all in the same afternoon, contacting Netflix once again to say "Dadgum you people! I sent that DVD WEEKS ago!"

Again, they took it well. Even sent our next one. (We took a break from "The Sopranos" at this point, for reasons which should be obvious). Anyway, they actually sent us the next DVD in our cue. Which I've heard is really, really good.

Only I don't know what I did with it. I figure, it's either at the dump or in the sorting room at our local recycling plant.

And me? Well, I'm going back to the library. Sticking with books for awhile.