Some People Let Down Their Hair. Me? I Let Down Other People

August 7, 2010

Seems I’m on a bit of a roll lately. Not the kind of roll most people desire, though. In the last 2 weeks alone, I’ve disappointed two people. And those are just the ones I know about. Neither one came right out and told me I’d let them down. Rather, it was their stony silence that spoke volumes.

As a teacher, I know all about the power of silence. For example, when a student just won’t shut his pie hole, basically I have two responses available to me. I can scream at him, which can be oddly satisfying to do, depending upon the time of the month, although it seldom works for long. Or I can be silent and wait for him to be quiet. The second response is far more effective, though much less interesting to recall at the lunch table.

Being on the receiving end of just such silence recently, I can tell you that it can have a chilling effect. To some degree, I’m a people pleaser. And, to a much greater degree, I am averse to conflict. So, their silence definitely impacted me. And, actually, I appreciate their use of silence, because it gave me time to reflect upon my decision. Not to the degree that either person would like, I suppose—I still won't teach that workshop and I'm still not able to attend that meeting. But the effect hasn’t been a life-changing one, either. Turns out I’m much too middling, lazy and compromising to give of myself with the vigor and regularity that people much better than me do.

I probably should have warned these folks, early on, that I am generally impervious to the temptation of earning a few extra bucks if it means more work, and oddly unaffected by prolonged pleas to volunteer beyond the few hours I've got on reserve in my little pool of promise. Maybe then, they could have lowered their expectations of me and started working on a Plan B. As it stands, I feel like I’ve left both of them in a bit of a lurch. And I’m sorry for that.

As for now, I reside on their Poo lists,--perhaps rightly so--a place I have visited many times before and most certainly will visit again.